Through coaching, I have learned that the narcissistic community has a terminology of their own. I’m going to attempt to teach you to speak NARC:
1 Gaslighting – a manipulative means of communicating to make their target feel crazy and to maintain power over them. They lie and use false information while denying and projecting.
2 Flying Monkeys – a person that allies themselves with the narcissist and does the narcissist’s dirty work. An enabler who is trying to not be a target.
3 Going “Gray Rock” – how to interact with a narcissist. Be boring, unemotional, and neutral. Be as interesting as a gray rock. Do not allow yourself to be triggered emotionally.
4 Love Bombing – Showering a target with warmth, love, affection, time, and gifts. Trying to get the target to fall in love or like and commit quickly.
5 Devaluation – the narcissist becomes disillusioned with the target and begins to devalue them with behaviors like judgment, belittlement, rage, and abandonment. This usually happens after the love bombing.
6 Hoovering – refers to a narcissist’s attempt to suck the target back into a relationship by doing things that the ex would find irresistible. This usually follows devaluing.
7 Narcissistic Supply – Depending emotionally and energetically on others to prop up their self esteem and to enhance their sense of being special. They get their supply by idealizing or devaluing you. Without others, narcissists are empty shells as they have no emotions of their own.
8 Narcissistic Rage – how a narcissist reacts when their underlying feelings of shame and vulnerability are triggered. Narcissistic rage is petrifying and far beyond normal rage.
9 Projection – attributing one own’s feeling or traits onto someone else. Projection is an aspect of narcissism where they blame the victim and deny accountability.
10 Smear Campaign – narcissists engage in a smear campaign to discredit others in their social sphere who have allegedly done harm to the narcissist. Smear Campaigns can be done out of jealousy and resentment too. Often, flying monkeys are recruited to assist.
11 Baiting – baiting is used to solicit an emotional reaction from a victim thus proving to the narcissist that they have control over you. It is similar to hoovering, but the mask is off during baiting.
12 Bread Crumbing – sending out brief messages, texts, Facebook messages to give someone the idea that the narcissist is still interested in them, but they are no longer interested. Basically, they are stringing you along and keeping you as supply in case they need supply in the future.
13 Trauma Bonding – this is dangerous. It makes you psychologically addicted to the narcissist. Trauma bonding happens in abusive relationships and is similar to co-dependency. Stopping contact with the narcissist is like withdrawing from a drug. The victim is ever hopeful for the next reward. He/she stays in the relationship because leaving feels so distressful.
14 Triangulation – Triangulation happens when one or both of the people involved in a disagreement try to pull a third person into the skirmish. Narcissists use triangulation to maintain control of a situation.
15 Discarding – a discard may follow being devalued by the narcissist. They simply have formed the belief that you are no longer valuable to them in any way. it feels like total abandonment and can be emotionally painful in so many ways.
16 Narcissistic Abuse – narcissistic abuse is the emotional damage done to someone by a person with NPD or narcissistic traits. The abuse can be physical or sexual or financial as well. It is so damaging emotionally because the victim may not realize the extent of the manipulation.
Are you ready to turn off the gas? You don’t need to learn a new language – Narcissism!
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